BOYFRIEND. [looking very earnest and concerned] Can we talk?
ME. [inwardly cringing] Uh, sure.
BOYFRIEND. We need to spend more time together.
ME. Doing what exactly?
BOYFRIEND. [showing signs of exasperation] Anything.
ME. [nearing "I can't take this anymore" capacity] Can we just cut to the chase here please. You’re talking about sex right?
BOYFRIEND. [hesitates, continues] No…no…talking, going for walks.
ME. [ "glib" gene kicks in] What do you want to talk about? [ I already know but feel it polite to ask]
BOYFRIEND. You’ve been spending all your time on the computer. Facebook, blogging, YouTube.
ME. [rolling eyes] I can’t dispute that statement.
BOYFRIEND. You’ve been ignoring me.
ME. [ "sarcastic" gene kicks in] It’s awfully hard to do that when your standing over my shoulder all the time.
BOYFRIEND. [reaching boiling point] See, this is exactly what I mean. You don’t pay attention to me anymore. Is something going on?
ME. Yes, we’re discussing how far and fast you jump to conclusions.
BOYFRIEND. Well I’m getting suspicious.
ME. Where am I when you get home from work?
BOYFRIEND. Here. Parked in front of the computer.
ME. [artfully ignoring the attempted jab] Do I stay out all night? In fact, do I ever go out?
ME. I’m not seeing where the suspicion comes in to play.
BOYFRIEND. [completely flustered] Are you having some kind of Internet romance?
ME. [laughing uncontrollably]
BOYFRIEND. I’m serious.
ME. Yes, seriously insane.
BOYFRIEND. [almost amused] You can be a real jerk you know.
ME. I know, I know. It’s a family trait.
BOYFRIEND. What’s for dinner?
ME. [shrugging shoulders] Look in the fridge. If it doesn’t snap at you or smell like an outhouse it’s probably edible.